Sabaku-no-Hasame on DeviantArthttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/https://www.deviantart.com/sabaku-no-hasame/art/In-Reality-Mixed-with-Fantasy-69425117Sabaku-no-Hasame

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In Reality, Mixed with Fantasy

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Ah well, i tried drawing myself a bit more...accurate than I draw myself normally. No, i am not as thin as a twig, I'm rather large. I have thin shins and knees, big bigger thighs, my shoulders aren't girlish or small, their broad like a boys, I have a high waist, a large high waist, and my face isn't thin or anyhing that looks attractive. My hair has that permanent greasy look, no matter how many times I wash it. My eyes aren't deep set, yet they always look tired due to dark bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. My eyes, although people think they are beautiful, lately have been looking a bit flat, and lack depth. I ain't a beauty queen, alright?

By the way, that is my cat, Oliver, who is now desceased due to kidney failure. I drew him as he was when i held him as he died. Yeah, no this isnt drama. ITs true. He died in my arms, because i was scared, even though I knew he would die. He started twitching slightly, and I got overwhelmed with worry that I left the computer and sat on the couch, saying his name. Which i think is stupid now, because he wouldn't answer anyway. But he died and his eyes went all black, because the pupils were growing larger when he was dead.

Lately, things with my best friend Eden hasn't been going well...I shouldnt even say best right now....She has been acting hostile to me...and nearly kicked me in the face during lunch for me singing a song that she hated. At first, she wouldn'ty even apologize, and i was getting so frustrated, and then as the conversation went on on msn, I started crying because she was just shoving me away, and slapping words right back in my face, and was just over all treating me so terribly. She doesnt know how much her words impacted me, regardless if they were just little words. She shoves me off by saying Whatever, and normally i wouldn't care. But she just honestly didnt care about what I was feeling.

Later on, today she gave me...a... "Peace offering" she called it, a cookie. I stared at it, and she returned to sit with her boyfriend. I thought....Thats your apology? Thats just.... I ended up giving it to Emily. That wasnt a sorry. THat was just an excuse for me to forgive her. Then, at the buses, she ran out of the bus and hugged me around the waist, saying Gomenasai into my jacket. I was so angry at that point, but I didn't show it. I felt like tensing up, givig her a hard stare and saying That is not an apology. Say it to me. I am sorry for hurting your feelings, im sorry for nearly kicking you in the face for something silly as you enjoying a song that I hated, and I'm sorry for making you cry.
But of course, i didnt. I smiled and said Alright. She smiled at me and then left on the bus. I was just so angry, I dug my nails hard in the palm of my hand, and it bled. As i look at it now, its already healed. I mean, its a lil red, but it only bled a little. I joked around by smacking the bus window with my hands and i scared her, and ran away from her laughing. Moment I turned away, i stopped. I hated faking that kind of stuff. Makes me sick. But I went from such sadness the night before to such a tense kind of anger, that it made me wonder if I was bi-polar.

*sigh* i know she'll read this, as she has me on watch. I have to go to a sleepover tomorrow, the 11th, and I wonder how it will be....I hope I dont have to fake anymore, i'll just end up making myself sick.

art(c)me
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Comments15
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hatake-amber's avatar
so pritty and cute!